INT. MA BEANFIELD'S HOUSE - EVENING
Cherokee sits down at the kitchen table, washed and wearing clean clothes that are a size too big for him. Ma puts out full plates for seven people filled with stew and potatoes.
MA BEANFIELD: Horse that into you. Don’t let it be said that Ma Beanfield doesn’t make the best stew this side of the Atlantic.
Four more individuals enter, two young women in their twenties, an adolescent girl of dark skin and a caucasian adolescent male.
MA BEANFIELD: Well it’s about time. Your dinner’s going cold.
TRIXIE BEANFIELD: And who is the new lodger?
MA BEANFIELD: Did I say he was a lodger? Cherokee, meet Trixie, Bethany, my two daughters, Fallulah and Henry.
BETHANY BEANFIELD: So Cherokee, what brings you here? It certainly isn’t the food.
MA BEANFIELD: Don’t mind her, Cherokee, tell her how good it is.
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: Yeah, its good.
BETHANY BEANFIELD: So, you didn’t answer my question.
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: Well to be honest, I was hoping to convince President Bungle to change his mind on Climate Change
TRIXIE BEANFIELD: And how on earth do you plan to do that?
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: Well if I don’t succeed, myself and my family and neighbours might end up starving to death. There will be nothing left to eat.
FALLULAH: Well, I don’t think there is anything to stop you. If you set your mind to it, I’m sure you can get President Bungle to change his mind.
BETHANY BEANFIELD: So, how are you going to do it?
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: I need to talk to him? I need to reason with him?
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Just how are you going to do that?
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: I don’t know
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: The only way to have enough time with President Bungle would be to abduct him. He won’t give a seconds notice to people like us. How are you going to kidnap the most well protected leader of the modern world?
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: I hope it wouldn’t come to that, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
MA BEANFIELD: Well, its a start and a noble cause. I think we’ve found a good ‘un here. He even likes my food, no matter what Bethany and Trixie have to say.
INT. WOREHAMPTON THEATRE - AFTERNOON
Leandra Dawes addresses Mr Merlin from the side of the stage
LEANDRA DAWES: Mr Merlin, there is a young man to see you.
MR MERLIN: And what if I don’t want to see him?
Henry brushes past Leandra on to the stage where Mr Merlin is
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Mr Merlin, I’d like to be your warm up act.
MR MERLIN: I don’t need a warm up act. You would only turn the audience away
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: But Mr Merlin, I can do things that were never done before
MR MERLIN: Can you fry an egg?
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: I can move things with my mind
MR MERLIN: If you can move things as you say, then show me. This is your stage and I am your audience.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: What do you want me to move?
MR MERLIN: Start with that two hundred pound weight.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Ok
Henry fails to move the weight with his mind after a period of concentration
MR MERLIN: Well, this is the shortest audition in history.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: I can do it Mr Merlin. I can do it. Its just the pressure
MR MERLIN: Great, a magician with stage fright
Mr Merlin picks up the two hundred pound weight with his finger and tosses it at him.
It’s made of foam, you talentless bum.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: One day, Mr Merlin, I’ll show you. I’ll be in every paper in Bungleville. You’ll see.
INT. MA BEANFIELD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
FALLULAH: Don’t you think you should get to bed Henry?
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: I had another audition today
FALLULAH: How did it go?
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: The same as all the others
FALLULAH: Don’t you think you should give up on your dream Henry?
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: I don’t want to wash dishes for the rest of my life
FALLULAH: Maybe there is something you can do that you just haven’t hit on yet.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: You remember you asked me once whether there could ever be an us and I avoided the question. The woman of my dreams is a woman that believes in me. Unless I can prove to the world that I have ability that most would envy, then I just feel worthless and inadequate.
FALLULAH: I’ve never treated you as being inadequate Henry.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: I’ve always dreamt of being a magician. There isn’t anything else. Every magician needs a stage.
FALLULAH: We’ve known each other for weeks and I haven’t seen you do anything that would captivate an audience. If you have a talent then you should hone it before you do any more auditions.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Cherokee said something about kidnapping the President. It’s audacious. That’s something that would captivate an audience
FALLULAH: You might also get a hundred years in prison.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Not if it’s done right
INT. BUNGLE BUNGLE GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS - DAY
President Bungle addresses the press.
JOURNALIST 1: President Bungle, how do you react to criticism of your handling of the greenhouse gas emissions treaty signed by every other powerful country in the world except ours.
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: President Bungle will do what he thinks is best for Bungle Bungle. I have after all won the support of my people for a record five terms.
JOURNALIST 1: Some would say that the reason you won the election was because you rounded up your opponents and those that spoke up against you and either executed them or threw them in jail.
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: You have some nerve. I’m being nice here. Is that nice. If you don’t watch your step, you’ll be rounded up too. Do I make myself clear. I am the greatest President in the history of the entire world. I have done an excellent job and that is why people vote for me. I excel at everything I do. To answer your question, the treaty has been devised by scientists. What do scientists really know? I know better than them. Climate change is mumbo jumbo. The world is getting warmer. What is the harm in a little hot weather. Its good for the sun tan and vitamin z.
JOURNALIST 1: But Mr President, as ice melts, sea levels will also rise and storms will worsen. There will be more floods. Hotter weather will lead to more droughts and crops will fail, leading to famine.
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: This won’t affect me and it won’t affect Bungle Bungle so who cares. We are two bazillion feet above sea level.
JOURNALIST 1: More like two hundred.
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: How dare you criticise me. I am the President of Bungle Bungle and the greatest one at that. Make up your mind. Will it be too dry or too wet
JOURNALIST 1: There will be extremes of both
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: That’s like saying is it black or white? And you saying both. I have a supreme intellect. I got two bazillion points in my High School results. The highest in history. I know what I’m talking about and it is this. What do the scientists really know when compared with a guy who has two bazillion points.
JOURNALIST 2: Bazillion isn’t a number
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: Excuse me. I’m sure it is. If I said it, it is true. No questions asked. How can you argue with somebody who has an IQ of a Bazillion. It might even be two Bazillion. Who knows?
JOURNALIST 1: Don’t you think you’re being a little short sighted Mr President?
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: My sight is fine. How about I have some of my men take you outside and have a good seeing to.
JOURNALIST 1: You just said you were going to have me beaten up for doing my job.
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: No I didn’t. I didn’t say that. How about I set you on fire. What do you say to that?
JOURNALIST 1: You just said you were going to set me on fire.
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: No I did not. I did not say that. How about I stick a nuke up your butt.
JOURNALIST 1:You...
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: I’m going to end this conference. You clearly have issues that need sorting. I’m not here to be a shrink. Though if I was a shrink, I’d be the best shrink that ever was.
President Bungle leaves the podium and whispers to his assistant
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: Those two journalists - round them up.
INT. SANTINI’S BAR - DAY
Fallulah, Henry, Alexander and Cherokee are seated around a table at Fredo’s bar in the afternoon.
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: So Cherokee are you still holding out hope of persuading our domineering and corrupt leader into turning over a new leaf
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: I’ve come this far haven’t I. There’s no turning back now.
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: What can one man or boy do on his own?
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: Maybe I need help
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: I have no inclination to spend the rest of my life in jail but even if we helped you, what have you got? A weakling who can turn invisible, a woman who can change form, yourself and a man who thinks he can move things
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: I can move things
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Yes, but you just haven’t managed it yet.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: One day I’ll show you and you’d better apologise
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: I might be six feet under by then
FALLULAH: Will you guys ever learn to get along.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: We do get along apart from the fact that he doesn’t believe in me the way that you and Cherokee believe in me.
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Face it Henry, even Cherokee and Fallulah have their doubts. They’re just being kind. You just have to face up to reality
SANTINI: Are you kids going to order something or are you going to sit around that table all day? It’s a bar that is supposed to be occupied for paying customers.
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Look around Santini, half your tables are not occupied. We’re creating an atmosphere. Besides we’re young. In a few years we could be your most loyal paying customers.
SANTINI: Pay up or leave
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: All we’ve got between us is five Bungles a paperclip and an apple
SANTINI: I’ll take the five Bungles. I don’t like apples but the paperclip could come in handy. For five bungles and a paper clip you can share one drink. What’ll it be?
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Orange juice
SANTINI: Coming right up you big spenders.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Cherokee, you do realise that if you do ever manage to get close to President Bungle you might just spend the rest of your life in prison
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: On the upside, prison food has to be better than Ma’s
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: If I don’t try, there is no way I can succeed. I want to go back to my Father and tell him I succeeded. Tomorrow, I could be dead and what will I have to show for it. I’d like to say I did something. Even if I fail, I have to try.
FALLULAH: Don’t you think your Father would want you to stay safe and go back to him in one piece. If you go through with this you may never get to embrace him again. You’ll be on the other side of iron bars
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: Climate change is bigger than one person. If I don’t go through with this it might cost hundreds of millions of lives including my family. In the whole scheme of things I have nothing to lose.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Well, Cherokee, if I could help you, I would
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: Isn’t this your opportunity Henry to show the world what a great magician you are. If you could help me, you could become a legend.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: A dead legend
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: And what are you going to do with your life Alexander? Wouldn’t you like to make your mark? Instead of stealing apples from market stalls, wouldn’t you like to do something groundbreaking?
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Even if we did get President Bungle to change his mind, would it really make any difference. Does it mean that every country will abide by the treaty?
CHEROKEE BURUNDI: It would be a step in the right direction.
FALLULAH: I for one couldn’t think of a more noble cause. I for one, want to help.
HENRY CARTHRIGHT III: Well, if Fallulah’s in I’m in. I just hope I don’t regret it.
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: You’re all crazy. I’ll miss you as friends but even I’m not that stupid.
FALLULAH: Oh yes you are
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Well at least let me hear your plan
INT. INSIDE COLLEGE DORMITORY - EVENING
Rudi Valentino is studying. His room mate Chuck Chalmers and some of his friends enter.
CHUCK CHALMERS: Hey Rudi, you swat, don’t you think you should like move rooms to the nerdy section. You could be room mates with Norbert Watson. You could have your nerdy talks about Dickens and Tolstoy and I could have a roommate that isn’t a total nerd.
Chuck thows a tennis ball at Rudi and hits him in the head. He then removes a piece of paper from Rudi’s desk scrunches it into a paper ball and throws it at Rudi. Rudi barely reacts
CHUCK CHALMERS: You’re no fun at all. A total dry boring.....
RUDI VALENTINO: Say Chuck, what’s that on your pants?
Chuck looks down at his pants and sees that it is wet along the crotch area. Without saying a thing, he leaves along with his two friends.
RUDI VALENTINO: You’re here, aren’t you Alexander?
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: How did you know?
RUDI VALENTINO: You shouldn’t have come. If you’re caught here, I could be in big trouble.
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Don’t you reminisce about the days we had growing up. Don’t you miss me?
RUDI VALENTINO: I want to be a lawyer. That’s what I want most. You were my best friend in a depressing childhood, but you being here has it’s own problems. Why did you come here?
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: I need a small favour.
RUDI VALENTINO: Which is?
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Your uncle who runs the costume store. I need a costume on the cheap.
RUDI VALENTINO: How cheap
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: Preferably nothing
RUDI VALENTINO: What for?
ALEXANDER HOPSCOP: You don’t want to know.
INT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE - MORNING
Alexander (invisible) sneaks into the Presidential palace and places a substance into the Presidents breakfast.
INT. BUNGLE BUNGLE NATIONAL MUSEUM - DAY
President Bungle approaches a podium as he unveils a new section of the State Museum devoted to him
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: I am honoured to open this section of the national museum dedicated to myself and my life. When I say honoured - I expected this and I am worthy of this. I am the greatest that has been and always will be. Now my fellow Bungles can celebrate me until the end of time. They can celebrate my many achievements and my overall brilliance.
Thank you Meredith. Meredith is in her 40’s but I’d give her a 9. I bet though that when she was younger she was a definite 10. I myself have always been the perfect specimen. I’ll be a ten until the day I die. Thank you Meredith and thank everyone who made this great exhibition possible. You can even see photos of when I was a ten and a half. Thank you.
JOURNALIST 3: President Bungle how do you respond to suggestions you are a narcissist?
PRESIDENT BUNGLE: If I were an Articist, I would be the greatest of them all. Better than Davunchi, that Dutch fella and Moany Lisa. Thank you and goodbye.
President Bungle makes eye contact with his host and then steps down from the podium. He is flanked by several of his bodyguards. Photographers follow him briefly and take photos
The President walks down the corridor to the men’s bathroom. A security guard enters and has a quick look around before exiting again.
PRESIDENT’S BODYGUARD 1: All clear sir
The President enters the toilet
Another agent walks down the corridor towards the bathroom as if he is suffering from diarhoea.
Shortly afterwards President Bungle emerges from the bathroom.
Cherokee, Henry and Alexander (invisible) but wearing a mascot outfit resembling President Bungle approach the toilet. Henry and Alexander enter. Cherokee, stands outside the bathroom and hangs up a sign saying out of order