INT. LOCAL BAR - NIGHT
Santina and two of her friends, Jasmine and Talia are seated around a table
TALIA
It’ been a while.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I miss Edgar.
JASMINE
You might end up eating your words. You’ve got to get out more.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Sometimes I feel like the kids are a chain around my neck. Sending them to school costs money. Feeding them costs money and Edgar isn’t helping very much.
TALIA
You need to have fun in your life or you will go insane. Trust me. You’re out now. Relax and enjoy yourself.
JASMINE
I’ve started a new programme. It’s a drug that can help you control your dreams. It cost me about six hundred bucks so far. I’ve been doing it for three weeks now. Dreams are more memorable and their fun. I make the rules. I do what I want to do. Last night I spent the evening on the French Riviera with Cary Grant.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
What does Ronald think of that?
JASMINE
Who cares what he thinks. I have something to look forward to every night.
TALIA
Are there any side effects?
JASMINE
None so far.
INT. RAMIREZ HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT
Santina’s mother is sitting on the couch when Santina enters the home.
RAMONA: 60, female, average height, overweight, short grey hair
RAMONA
Did you have a nice evening?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
It’s good to get a break. Thank you.
RAMONA
Is there something wrong?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Do you have any money you can spare me?
RAMONA
How much are you looking for?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Eight hundred
RAMONA
Will I get it back? Or is it going to that loser of a husband of yours?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Its strictly for me. And the kids.
RAMONA
I struggle myself at times, but if it’s for you and the kids and you pay me back, I can spot it for you.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I will. Thank you
Santina gives her mother a gentle hug
You won’t regret this.
RAMONA
I hope I don’t.
INT. CLINIC OF DREAMS - DAY
Santina enters Doctor Drago’s office
DOCTOR DRAGO: 47, dark hair, short, glasses, slim.
DOCTOR DRAGO
Please sit down Mrs Ramirez
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Have you had the chance to review my file.
DOCTOR DRAGO
Yes. You seem to be a good candidate, Mrs Ramirez. However, I must warn you that half of all customers experience mild side effects such as vomiting, nausea and headaches. In four percent of cases there are worse side effects.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
And what are they?
DOCTOR DRAGO
Hair loss, seizures and other stuff that I won’t trouble you with.
Doctor Drago leans forward.
What is your reason for coming here, Mrs Ramirez?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I think I deserve a better life. If I can control my dreams I can have something to look forward to every day.
DOCTOR DRAGO
At this point Mrs Ramirez, I should also mention that your dreams may be impacted by stress and anxiety. These may cause you to lose control of your dreams.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
At this stage Doctor, I just want the tablet. I want to feel free again. Happy.
DOCTOR DRAGO
You should also heed the twelve hour time limit. It is dangerous to spend more than ten hours a day dreaming. This may cause you to lose control also.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Have you taken the drug yourself Doctor?
DOCTOR DRAGO
I have a villa in Italy and a mansion in California. Every day is a dream to me, Mrs Ramirez
SANTINA RAMIREZ
So that’s a no
DOCTOR DRAGO
Yes.
INT. RAMIREZ HOUSEHOLD (SANTINA’S BEDROOM) - NIGHT
Santina consumes a tablet with water and lays back in bed.
EXT. SANTINA’S FAVOURITE BEACH - DAY
Santina is sharing a beach with her husband
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Isn’t this wonderful Edgar. Great weather, a beautiful beach and just the two of us.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Darling you are as beautiful as the day I met you. Prettier than Marilyn Monroe or Elizabeth Taylor.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Oh do go on.
A man selling treats, drops by.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
What are you selling?
FOOD SELLER ON BEACH
The finest food, fresh from a restaurant in Lyon France and it’s free.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
How did it get here so fast.
FOOD SELLER ON BEACH
Don’t ask questions mam? It might ruin the moment.
Santina takes a bite of some of the food
SANTINA RAMIREZ
That is heavenly.
INT. LARGE KITCHEN IN BEAUTIFUL MANSION - DAY
Edgar is dressed in a chef’s uniform.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
What would you like for me to cook for you today my darling?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I did always want to try some pheasant and for desert, banoffee.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Coming right up.
INT. LARGE LIVING ROOM IN BEAUTIFUL MANSION - DAY
Edgar is watching the superbowl in the living room when Santina enters the room.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Oh honey, I forgot that the superbowl was on today.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
I would watch anything with you darling. I would go to the ends of the earth for you.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Can we watch Pride and Prejudice instead?
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Honey, there isn’t anything else I’d rather do.
Santina looks out to a sprawling green lawn and beautiful garden.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Oh honey, I see that you mowed the lawn already.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
And I pruned the shrubs, took out the trash and walked the dog
SANTINA RAMIREZ
You are the best.
INT. RAMIREZ HOUSEHOLD (SANTINA'S BEDROOM) - MORNING
Santina wakes up from her dreams. She has a smile on her face.
BERTIE
Mummy, you’ll be late for work.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Have you packed your lunch?
BERTIE
Yes, we did it ourselves
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I hope your sandwiches aren’t soggy like the last time.
BERTIE
I don’t want you to lose your job
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Sometimes, Bertie I feel as though that might not be a bad thing.
INT. LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE - MORNING
Santina arrives late for work and Mr Sanderson is waiting for her. Regina a co-worker is also behind the counter.
MR SANDERSON: 40, Male, slightly overweight, brown hair, average height, formally dressed.
Regina: 34, African American, female, slim, average height.
MR SANDERSON
Santina, I’ve been filling in for you for the last fifteen minutes.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I’m sorry Mr Sanderson. It won’t happen again.
MR SANDERSON
It’s not fair on Regina who turns up on time every day. It better not happen again.
Mr Sanderson leaves the counter area and Santina replaces him
REGINA
Did you have a nice snooze?
INT. RAMIREZ HOUSEHOLD - EVENING
Santina, Bertie and Francesca are finishing their dinner
BERTIE
Mummy, next time, can Mr Rodgers babysit for us?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
What’s wrong with your grandmother
BERTIE
Well, she’s old and not very much fun.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I bet Mr Rodgers isn’t exactly a barrel of laughs.
FRANCESCA
But he seems so...
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Those are the ones you have to steer clear of kids. The ones who seem nice. It’s just a front. What have I said about strangers offering you sweets?
FRANCESCA
Bite their finger off?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
No. Run away. Besides I know a thing or two about Mr Rodgers.
BERTIE
Like what?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
The other day, Mrs Grubachov told me that he saw a woman getting mugged and he just stood there. I’m sure there is other stuff that we don’t know about Mr Rodgers, so stay away from him.
INT. ST FINIANS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL (CLASSROOM) - DAY
Santina walks up to Miss Peabody in her classroom.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Miss Peabody, I’m concerned about my children. They seem quite attached to the janitor. I was wondering if you could keep them away from him.
MISS PEABODY
Of course Mrs Ramirez. I’ll do my best.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Do you know how he came to be a janitor at this school?
MISS PEABODY
Mrs Blachek, the principal has been quite secretive about it.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Mrs Maloso, young Dalinde’s mother said that she heard from Mrs Brown, who heard from Mr Cleveland that he spent time in jail. Of course Mrs Blachek has denied this. Then there was Mrs Martinelli who heard from Mr Chan at the fish and chip shop that he crashed his car while drunk and lost his job and then there was Mrs Claideman who said he can’t read or write or Mrs Whitehouse who says he has detachable horns that he takes off his head while he works.
MISS PEABODY
I get the picture. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s bad news.
INT. LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Edgar Ramirez enters the convenience store where Santina works and approaches the counter.
EDGAR RAMIREZ: 29, Male, Taller than average, strongly built, thinning brown hair, slightly overweight.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Santina, honey. You look as beautiful as the day we first met.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Edgar. What are you doing here?
EDGAR RAMIREZ
I’m going through a rough patch, that’s all. I lost my job. There was a slight disagreement
REGINA
Did you hit someone?
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Stay out of this.
Edgar pauses for a moment
It’s always only been you Santina. I want to come back. Please take me back.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Oh Edgar. You know, I always wanted you.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Do you have the key to the house?
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Yes
She hands him over the key
EDGAR RAMIREZ
And money for essentials?
REGINA
Beer, more like.
Santina hands him over forty dollars.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Thanks honey. You’re the best.
Edgar leaves
REGINA
Honestly dear, I don’t know why you bother with him. He’s a bloodsucker.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
We had some good times.
REGINA
Why do you focus on five minutes of good stuff over a lifetime of bad stuff.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
At least he’s not dull. And now he’s back.
REGINA
And for how long?
CUT TO:
INT. LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Calum enters the store to buy a handful of items. He hands them over to Santina.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Mr Rodgers, I hope you stay well away from my children. If half the things they say are true, that would make you a complete monster.
Santina checks Calum’s items
CALUM RODGERS
I’m sure they’ve said unflattering things about everyone who goes to that school including you. The reality is rather dull.
Calum hands over the money
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I am not dull Mr Rodgers.
CALUM RODGERS
I bet you aren’t
SANTINA RAMIREZ
I am spoken for.
CALUM RODGERS
Well congratulations.
Santina hands Calum his change.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Well really? If you were the last man on earth and I was single, I would go to the far side of the earth to avoid you.
CALUM RODGERS
Mam if someone were to tell me that I turn into a crocodile at night, I won’t snap their hand off but if somebody were to tell me that you turn into a witch with a wart on your nose, a pointy hat and a dirty old broom, then I’ll tell them where to go.
Calum walks out
REGINA
He’s not so bad
SANTINA RAMIREZ
He’s nothing on Edgar
REGINA
Unlike Edgar, he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty.
SANTINA RAMIREZ
Well Edgar has ambition.
REGINA
Well, if it wasn’t for my Lionel, Mr Rodgers could clean out my engine any day.
INT. LOCAL BAR - EVENING
Diego, Gina, Elenore, Melford and Calum are seated around a table in a busy bar.
DIEGO
I can’t say I’ll miss Mr Beauchamp. He always gave me a D
GINA
Maybe we should pool our resources. Together we should be able to come up with something.
DIEGO
How about a film about a vegetarian camel?
GINA
Hollywood here I come
ELENORE BIGLEY
Aren’t camels vegetarian?
DIEGO
Well, maybe he’s an undercover camel.
ELENORE BIGLEY
Does he talk?
DIEGO
No
ELENORE BIGLEY
What’s the point of an undercover camel if he doesn’t even talk?
GINA
What do you think Melford? I bet you have lots of interesting ideas.
MELFORD HICKS
Don’t ask me. I just came for the free booze.
ELENORE BIGLEY
The booze isn’t free and it’ll be your round next.
MELFORD HICKS
I just remembered. I have a funeral to go to. One of my best friends...
GINA
What happened to him Melford?
MELFORD HICKS
He fell out of an aeroplane
DIEGO
How did that happen?
MELFORD HICKS
He was seasick. Anyway, I’m off.
Melford leaves
GINA
That’s so sad.
DIEGO
Yeah. Calum, its your round again.
GINA
What happens if a guy falls out of an aeroplane and is saved by a flying camel.
ELENORE BIGLEY
Can we get off the flying camel thing? If there’s going to be a camel in our movie, it would have to be black and have fangs and be a killer camel.
CALUM RODGERS
I’m going to get another round.
DIEGO
Hey Calum, if you are talking to that hot chick at the bar, you can give her my number.
Calum approaches the bar
CALUM RODGERS
Say..
ATTRACTIVE GIRL AT BAR
Save it.
CALUM RODGERS
Well actually, its not me. It’s my friend over there.
She turns her head
ATTRACTIVE GIRL AT BAR
I don’t know which of you is less appealing.
The attractive girl walks off with her drink and Calum addresses the bar man.
CALUM RODGERS
Can I have the same round again?
A young woman (LYDIA) then nudges Calum
LYDIA: 23, female, short dark hair, slim, short, glasses, forward, clingy.
LYDIA
Hey Calum
CALUM RODGERS
I’m sorry. I don’t recognise you
LYDIA
I’ve had a few classes at the school. Nobody ever remembers me.
CALUM RODGERS
No. It’s coming back to me now. Can I get you a drink?
CUT TO:
Moments later
Calum sits down with the rest of the group and Lydia
CALUM RODGERS
Hey guys, this is Lydia. She works at the school.
LYDIA
Every now and again.
DIEGO
Calum. The girl. She likes me right? I saw the way she looked at me. Did you give her my number?
INT. CALUM'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Calum wakes up with a hangover when Lydia enters with breakfast.
LYDIA
I hope you don’t mind. I made breakfast. I even cut your toast into little heart-like shapes. I also did some cleaning and threw out some of your clothes. I think they need replacing.
CALUM RODGERS
Oh. I kind of like to get my moneys worth from the clothes.
LYDIA
I can’t have my man wearing shabby clothes now can I? You’ll have to buy replacements.
CALUM RODGERS
Ok
LYDIA
And those curtains could do with being replaced. It’s just my opinion. It’s not like an ultimatum.
INT. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY
Edgar is in the employment office looking for work
MISS QUARESMA
Well, Mr Ramirez I see that you have tried your hand at plumbing and carpentry in the past. We have a few job opportunities in that area..
EDGAR RAMIREZ
I’d like to branch out. Something that I haven’t done before.
MISS QUARESMA
Like work?
EDGAR RAMIREZ
What do you mean by that?
MISS QUARESMA
Well you haven’t lasted more than six months in any job. It doesn’t look good on your resume.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
I was thinking along the lines of movie directing, like Wild Bill Hickok. He was the greatest and I aim to be better.
MISS QUARESMA
Unfortunately Mr Ramirez you need to build up your experience, do some courses. There is nothing in your resume that suggests you would succeed as a Director.
EDGAR RAMIREZ
Haven’t you heard of the Godfather, Jaws, Silence of the Hams. He directed all of those and I aim to go one better. I can be the greatest.
MISS QUARESMA
Only in your dreams Mr Ramirez.