EXT. FOREST OF ANDALUCIA - DAY
The carriage returns in the direction of the castle.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Did you see that Lorimer? I think she loves me. Lorimer?
Elliot looks around but there is no sign of Lorimer
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Lorimer?
Elliot continues on his way in the direction of the Mountains of Ur.
EXT. ROAD THIRTY MILES FROM MOUNTAINS OF UR - DAY
An old man is being robbed by three thugs. Elliot sees it happening and runs towards them. The thugs flee away and
Elliot stops to talk to him.
NAROBI: 69, male, smaller than average, thinning white hair, tanned complexion, wearing brown robe with a white rope tied around it, sandals
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Are you ok old man? It looks like they took everything you had.
NAROBI: They didn’t take me. All they took was money and a few items I would be better off without. The lighter the load, the easier it is to travel.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Where are you going?
NAROBI: Wherever the road takes me. And you?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: To the Mountains of Ur. A wizard wants me to retrieve a plant for him,
NAROBI: It’s a dangerous journey just for a plant. What does it do?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: I really don’t know.
NAROBI: This wizard, is his name Malachy?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: How do you know
NAROBI: There aren’t many old foolhardy wizards in this land of ours. He is my brother. It’s strange that I can make friends with robbers, thieves and otherwise dangerous men but I haven’t spoken to my brother in twenty years.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Malachy never told me he had a brother.
NAROBI: He always was a man of few words. Why on earth would you risk your life for his latest whim? He must have promised you something.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: The love of a woman. Not just any woman. The Princess Ophelia.
NAROBI: Don’t you think you should aim lower? If you aim for the sweetest thing on the highest shelf, you might just bring everything else tumbling down around you.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: But she is the girl I’ve dreamed about since I was eleven years old.
NAROBI: Do you even know her? She could be arrogant and unfriendly. If you got to know her, she might annoy you. Sometimes a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the hedge.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: You’re missing the point mister
NAROBI: Please call me Narobi
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Princess Ophelia is perfect from head to toe. There isn’t an imperfect part of her. She is the woman of my dreams. She will bear my ten children.
NAROBI: I have no money left. Perhaps you can escort me to the nearest town where someone might assist me.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: I wouldn’t like to be in your position. An old man with no money cannot hunt as well as he used to. I will help you in whatever way I can as long as I get to my destination.
NAROBI: It could be worse. I could be alone.
INT. KING WENCESLAS CASTLE - DAY
King Wenceslas approaches the royal carriage after it enters the walls of the castle. Princess Ophelia disembarks
KING WENCESLAS: 60, male, mostly dark hair with a beard, overweight, wearing a crown tunic and a robe, tanned complexion.
KING WENCESLAS: My beautiful daughter, what happened to the guards?
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Father it didn’t go too well.
KING WENCESLAS: Did you and Prince Leopold not fall for one another?
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Father, he is the most repulsive of men and a brute
KING WENCESLAS: Could you not have put aside your differences for the sake of peace in our kingdom?
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Father I want to marry a handsome prince. I want love.
KING WENCESLAS: Love? What is this thing called love? Does anyone really feel love anymore? This is the sixteenth century. Get with it.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: What about you and mother.
KING WENCESLAS: Have you not seen how we quarrel and fight and quarrel..
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Just because everyone else is unhappy shouldn’t mean I should be unhappy and all to prevent a stupid war.
KING WENCESLAS: You know I love you petal. Perhaps we can find a more handsome prince. I hear Prince Strasberg is on the market.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: He’s too stiff
KING WENCESLAS: Prince Hugo
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Too old
KING WENCESLAS: He’s 24... Prince Meridien
PRINCESS OPHELIA: You never mentioned him before.
KING WENCESLAS: He lives up North, where it’s quite chilly all year round
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Anyone else?
KING WENCESLAS: Prince Hamish
PRINCESS OPHELIA: You never mentioned him either
KING WENCESLAS: There was a bit of a scandal. He took up with a maid. It’s alright now though. They beheaded her.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Where is his kingdom?
KING WENCESLAS: Between Charlemaine and the Great Sea. But his Father and I have never seen eye to eye. On the other hand, it could be good for relations.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: I have yet to meet him.
KING WENCESLAS: If you are too choosy you may end up alone and unhappy. And without an ally to keep your own kingdom.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: If Prince Leopold is anything to go by that would be the lesser of two evils.
INT. TAVERN IN A SMALL NORTHERN TOWN - DAY
Narobi and Elliot enter a tavern in a small town. Elliot addresses the barman. There are four other customers seated at the bar and two others in the corner of the tavern drinking quietly away.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: What have you to eat for two hungry men.
MAN AT BAR: Shlop, shlop and more shlop.
BARMAN: Stew
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Two stews please
BARMAN: That’ll be two pieces of silver
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: All I have is five shillings
MAN AT BAR: You’re not from around here. Are you?
BARMAN: Now, Macleod, we don’t want any trouble.
MAN AT BAR: I’ll be taking them five shillings.
NAROBI: No problem at all sir
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: No Narobi. He won’t. This man needs to be taken down a peg or two.
Three other men stand up.
BARMAN: He’s got three brothers.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: I always do like a challenge
MAN AT BAR: I don’t like your odds.
Macleod lunges for Elliot but Elliot avoids him. Two other brothers confront Elliot while the old man is approached by the
third brother.
THIRD MACLEOD BROTHER: Say your prayers old man
Suddenly Narobi turns into a bird and flies around the tavern.
THIRD MACLEOD BROTHER: Witchcraft
The barman reaches for a big stick. The fighting stops.
BARMAN: There’ll be no witchcraft in this here tavern. Whatever about fighting, you better get going before the mob comes.
Macleod struggles to his feet.
MAN AT BAR: They’ll be coming for you. We don’t tolerate witches in these here parts. You won’t just have us to contend with.
Elliot and the bird depart the tavern.
EXT. OUTSIDE TAVERN IN NORTHERN TOWN - DAY
Elliot leaves the tavern tired and hungry while the bird flies away.
INT. KING WENCESLAS CASTLE - DAY
Princess Ophelia is in the banquet hall, seated at a long table with her father and other dignitaries. She looks at Chancellor Chesterton’s plate opposite her.
CHESTERTON: 39, male, tall, thin black beard, dark hair, slim, well dressed.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: What’s wrong Fred? Are you not hungry? It’s the finest lamb in the kingdom. I love lamb.
CHESTERTON: We have it every day you dine with us.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: It’s positively delicious, Fred.
CHESTERTON: My name is not Fred
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Of course it is.
CHESTERTON: It’s Chesterton
PRINCESS OPHELIA: I know a fellow called Horatio, but he always insisted in being called Sid. A lot of great men have been called Fred. There was Fred the wise, Fred the flatulent and Fred the terrible. Though we shouldn’t really talk about him.
CHESTERTON: Why do you insist on calling me Fred?
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Don’t worry Fred. If I become Queen, I will promote you to Vice Chancellor.
CHESTERTON: I already am the Chancellor.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Father isn’t Damon de Vries the Chancellor?
KING WENCESLAS: No darling, it’s Chesterton.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Who is Chesterton?
EXT. NORTHERN WILDERNESS - EVENING
Elliot is sitting in front of a fire, eating some rabbit, when Lorimer approaches.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: That was you. Wasn’t it?
LORIMER: What do you mean?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: The bird. The old man. There’s something you’re not telling me.
LORIMER: I wasn’t always this way. It’s only been a few years. I hope you’re not like the others.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: What do you mean?
LORIMER: Afraid of witchcraft.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: I don’t know what to think. Why didn’t you tell me.
LORIMER: Maybe I was afraid
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Afraid of what?
The noise of a few dozen villagers can be heard
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: And here was me hoping to get a good nights sleep in front of a warm fire. Damn those pesky villagers.
Elliot stands up and puts out the fire.
INT. KING WENCESLAS CASTLE KITCHEN - DAY
A servant enters the kitchen where three chefs and two maids are present
SERVANT: Her ladyship keeps going on and on about meeting the prince of her dreams
MAID 1: The bath water is either too cold or too hot for her. Never perfect.
FEMALE CHEF: If it wasn’t for King Wenceslas I’d throttle her myself. The lamb is either over cooked or under cooked. I despair sometimes.
SERVANT: Is this for her?
The servant refers to a plate of lamb and vegetables. He picks it up and enters the dining room.
INT. KING WENCESLAS CASTLE DINING ROOM - DAY
The room is filled with three dignitaries, the King, the Queen, the Princess and Francesca
The servant lays the plate in front of the Princess.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Actually, I don’t feel all that hungry. Francesca, I fancy a walk in the garden. Will you accompany me?
There is a look of disappointment on Francesca’s face as she was evidently looking forward to her meal.
EXT. KING WENCESLAS CASTLE GARDENS - DAY
Princess Ophelia and Francesca are walking in the royal gardens with two bodyguards.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: I’d like to go for a ride in the royal carriage
FRANCESCA DA SILVA: After what happened the last time the King has forbidden it.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Fiddlesticks. I’m the Princess. If I want to go then I’ve got to go.
BODYGUARD ONE: Pardon me, Princess, but my Uncle Fermeth has a carriage every bit as good as the royal carriage
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Where is it?
FRANCESCA DA SILVA: Princess Ophelia. I don’t think that is a good idea.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: If you tell father I shall never speak to you again.
BODYGUARD ONE: The carriage awaits you in the courtyard.
BODYGUARD TWO: Mam, this man is new. Please don’t trust him. You hardly know him.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: I could have you fired for such insolence. I am an excellent judge of character.
The group of four reach the courtyard where they are handed two black robes. They enter the carriage. There is a heavily bearded man seated in the carriage. To Princess Ophelia he looks familiar. The first bodyguard also joins them while the second bodyguard sits on top with the driver. The carriage disembarks, leaving the castle behind them.
EXT. TEN MILES FROM THE MOUNTAINS OF UR - EVENING
Elliot is sitting around a campfire when an old woman approaches
MEGRETH: 70, female, white hair, shorter than average, overweight, wearing a hooded cloak.
MEGRETH: Do you have enough space for an old woman around that campfire dearie?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG
Of course. Are you hungry? I have the tail end of two fried rats uneaten. I know its not much...
MEGRETH: Don’t mind if I do.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: Well, what brings you this far North on a cold night?
MEGRETH: Don’t worry Dearie. I’ve survived numerous wars and lived to tell the tale. What brings you this far North?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: A friend asked me to collect something for him in the Mountains of Ur.
MEGRETH: The mountains of Ur is the most dangerous place in the known world. No magic works there. It is filled with
Tigers and other dangerous creatures. Even an army would struggle to go there and retrieve what you seek. The only item of interest in the Mountains of Ur is the Unococha plant.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: What does it do?
MEGRETH: If you were to give it to me, I as a person of magic myself would grant you three wishes. I trust Malachy, has only granted you one wish.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: How do you know his name is Malachy
MEGRETH: It is my business to know these things. In the hands of Malachy, the consequences for the rest of humankind could be disastrous.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: I promised him. Besides Malachy doesn’t seem so bad. He’s old and cranky and not very talkative but he’s alright.
MEGRETH: If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: For the past seven years there is only one wish I care about. Besides I’ve only just met you. How do I know you aren’t some sort of evil sorceress.
MEGRETH: As a sorceress I could turn into Princess Ophelia if you like.
Megreth turns into Princess Ophelia and moves closer. Elliot recoils.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: No.
Megreth turns back
MEGRETH: It looks like you leave me no choice
Megreth turns into a fire breathing dragon and burns fire at Elliot’s feet. Before the dragon can emit fire for a second time Elliot uses his sword to pierce it’s foot in a deep downward movement. The dragon shrieks in pain. Elliot continues to inflict more wounds before the dragon runs away in pain.
Elliot puts out the fire before picking up his things and departing.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG (to himself): I wasn’t tired anyway.
INT. KING WENCESLAS CASTLE COURTYARD - DAY
Chesterton and Rubert are tending to horses in the courtyard of the castle
CHESTERTON: One day I hope to ring that irritating girl’s neck, Rubert.
RUBERT: Who?
CHESTERTON: Princess Ophelia of course.
RUBERT: Not everybody gets to be King sir. Most of us have to put up with our superiors or .. well.
CHESTERTON: Superiors? Do you find me repulsive Rubert?
RUBERT: No sir. Why it has been at least six days since you whipped me. But that Ophelia. She is truly monstrous. Just last week she called me Ruby. Now that’s horrible isn’t it sir.
CHESTERTON: Indeed it is. What can I do about it?
RUBERT: It’s not my station to do the thinking sir.
CHESTERTON: If only I had the opportunity, to throw her off a cliff or toss her into a bed of slithering poisonous snakes.
RUBERT: Quite right sir. For calling me Ruby and all. It’s as if I’m some kind of ornament. I feel so objectified. How dare she?
EXT. MOUNTAINS OF UR - MORNING
Elliot is tired as he approaches the mountains of Ur. A white tiger twice the size of a normal tiger approaches him. Elliot rubs his eyes to see if he’s dreaming
TARDIS: I am Tardis king of the Tigers. Those who seek entrance for their own glory and their own interests should turn back and no harm will come to them.
ELLIOT FURSTENBURG: I seek the unococha plant for the wizard known as Malachy. In return he has promised that my true love will want me as much as I crave her.
TARDIS: I’ve just eaten. There are other dangerous beings in this region. I will let you pass for now, but if you come back with the Unococha plant, me and my brothers will kill you for sport if not sustenance.
Surrounded by large white tigers, Elliot slowly and warily approaches the foothills of the mountains of Ur.
EXT. SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN OR UR - DAY
Elliot steadily climbs the mountain. He is attacked by man eating plants and rodents the size of cats each of which he slashes with his sword.
Eventually he reaches the summit of the mountain and can see numerous attractive flowers with blue hanging petals and green leaves and stem
Elliot removes a drawing from his clothing and confirms the plants identity. He reaches down but as soon as he makes contact with it, he collapses downward and the flowers open up. He is falling but lands in a comfortable laid back position and falls asleep.
INT. BLACK HORSEDRAWN CARRIAGE - DAY
PRINCE LEOPOLD: Madam it would appear that I am a master of disguise. Not even you could recognise me
Prince Leopold removes his fake beard and reveals his scar
PRINCESS OPHELIA: Why you scoundrel
PRINCE LEOPOLD: Firstly madame, let me set the record straight. You have not been kidnapped. You are my guests. The other day was a little misunderstanding. That swordsman tried to harm you and I did my best to protect you.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: You and your men killed a dozen of our guards. Were it not for the swordsman, we would probably be dead too.
PRINCE LEOPOLD: I can assure you Princess that your life was never in danger. After all if we are to be wed, you are to be the jewel in the crown.
PRINCESS OPHELIA: I could never marry such a brute as you.
PRINCE LEOPOLD: Soon you will see sense. I will enlighten you.
The bodyguard on top is pushed overboard by the coachman.